Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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