I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's always time for handjobs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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