Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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