maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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