it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
