hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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