Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
