Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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