I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
