So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
