Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there was a trapeze. enough said
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize