I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
