If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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