He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
