Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
