I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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