but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
