sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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