Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
