dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
