Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
