a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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