Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
