It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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