What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
nutella sex= disaster
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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