I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
