I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
