she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
