it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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