I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
