Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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