oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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