i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
