I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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