we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
