How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
