we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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