You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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