I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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