I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
