Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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