You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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