i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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