I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
