we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
