Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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