New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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