at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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