things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
