I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
