i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
