I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
