I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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