Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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