So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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