After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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