We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
