Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
