i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
