Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to cum in my sink.
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