that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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