I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
